Living Rooms, Old Couches, and Prayer
Andrew Busch

Entering a Room
Children were rarely allowed in my parents' living room. That room was a clean place of formal furniture unblemished by my sticky hands. Only during my few years of frustrating piano lessons did I enter for my less-than-daily practice. However, the family room was a relaxed place with kid-friendly furniture and a television. As the living room was off limits; the family room welcomed us. In response, my generation crafted homes with great rooms or living and family rooms of overlapping style.

Comparing Holidays
I view Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur in the context of those above-mentioned rooms. As we gather for these High Holy Days, we confront living rooms. However, spiritually and culturally we tend to be more comfortable in family rooms. I believe the soft, familiar couch of our dreams is more likely to be encountered in Shabbat than on Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.

The very language of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur is more formal than weekly prayers. It strikes the ears as more judgmental. The Holy Day melodies reinforce this reaction. The well-dressed, ticket-bearing crowds lend a formality and anonymity to synagogue attendance. Appropriately, our sanctuaries are decorated regally. In short, Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur may match those beyond-our-reach, childhood living rooms.

Consider Shabbat, on the other hand. The words are more accessible, less hierarchical. Clothes are usually nice, but less premeditated. Our congregational doors are thrown wide-open to any takers. The melodies and tone of the sanctuary are more relaxed and thus possibly more welcoming. A typical Shabbat may feel more like that den with a sectional and a pile of unread magazines on the side table.

Architectural Realities
This interior design approach to our Jewish holidays differs with the late Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel's description of our spiritual architecture. In The Sabbath, Heschel presented the following "architecture of time:" "The Sabbbaths are our great cathedrals; and our Holy of Holies is…the Day of Atonement." Heschel's oft-quoted view of Judaism as a religion of time over space presented Shabbat as a grand institution. His argument can be felt powerfully in a warm, moving Shabbat service or experience. However, too grand a Shabbat may not draw in a generation which places its feet up on coffee tables. We want our synagogues to be accessible and user-friendly. The High Holy Days can seem distant because of the very self-reflection, language, and melodies which provide their meaning and grandeur. Those aspects are what draw the crowds and give rise to the use of tickets. Shabbat's simpler prayers and tunes befit that supremely important weekly holiday.

A Balancing Truth
So, should we focus on Shabbat and avoid the calling to account of the Day of Atonement? Jewish prayer, thought, and community recommend the more challenging, current arrangement. With only Shabbat, we would miss the annual challenge to develop ourselves and to improve our community and world. Similarly, Shabbat's omission would abandon us to a harsh assessment of our behavior and worth. Though the Holy Day prayers encourage a balanced view of our past actions, many fall prey to overdriven self-criticism. Shabbat provides a nurturing self-corrective approach to Jewish community and theology. Shabbat works together with Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. We can open ourselves up to the potential of the annual cycle of Jewish holidays, anchored by Shabbat. It might be hard to see through the formality to the value of the pattern. Heschel suggested that we must see beyond our own needs and time towards that eternal architecture, for "Spiritual life begins to decay when we fail to sense the grandeur of what is eternal in time." We can not just collapse into life's comfy arm chairs; our spiritual existence requires a search for that which is holy. Shabbat, Rosh Hashanah, and Yom Kippur each provide different opportunities to sense that holiness.

Hints Towards Entering the Room

1. It may not matter where you start. The prayers of Shabbat, Rosh Hashanah, and Yom Kippur all have their role and their meaning. Give any of these services a try and see where it leads.
2. Unfortunately, the High Holy Days often "work" better for those who celebrate Shabbat. Correspondingly, Shabbat, in the long term, only makes sense if you also engage in the repentance of Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur.
3. Keep in mind that ideally the house you visit may begin to feel like your own someday. The Living Room may become less distant, if you also experience the same space and community as a Family Room. The seats may seem more like couches as you explore the beauty of Shabbat, along with attending Holy Day services. A synagogue you visit may become a home.

If you are under 30 and not a member of a synagogue and would like to hear about Reform congregations in your area who would like to have you worship with them for the High Holidays, please contact the UAHC Department of Outreach and Synagogue Community.

If you are older than 30 please feel free to email Naomi Yablonka, Assistant Director of Outreach and Synagogue Community.

Andrew Busch is the rabbi of Beth David Reform Congregation in Gladwyne, Pennsylvania. His parents' living room is open to his three kids, wife, and him.